| Am i the only one who would think william shatner singing the song "
i'm turning japanese" would be hilarious? ok thats my random thought of
the day cont please with your day
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| Well hello xanga we meet again. its been a while. Did you miss me? no!!?? well ok.
Anyway xanga im here to type some things away maybe i will feel better.
I have decided that i am a ticking time bomb and the little-est of
actions set me off. I am tired of being a slave to routine. I am tired
of scraping by and wondering where i will get my next meal or even make
rent. I am tired of being unhappy as a whole. I just feel like an empty
shell again. i have had a sinking feeling in my stomach all night long.
I am a little freak-out and confused of where to go at this point in my
life. Almost had a break down at work tonight for no reason other than
i think life is giving me a money shot in the eye. I dont know what to
do. All i know is that i am a self centered asshole who looks out for
numero uno. Sometimes i wonder if i even have a heart, how much
humanity do i have?
i just wanted to walk out on the job tonight. I am almost 23 yrs old
workin in fast fuckin food going no where in life. I am apathetic, self
centered, and have no motivation. i live in a college town where
friends come and go. might as well not get too attached to someone they
are gonne leave in a few years. It seems like ever since i got to
russellville i have had regret after regret. mistake after mistake. i
also feel like there are people in my past that i never got any closure
with and that bugs the hell out of me.
"see the old man sitting in the young man's bar waiting for his turn to
die." i feel like that old man and i am 22 HAHA! i feel like i dont
have any fun anymore. I feel like my inner kid has been beaten with a
titanium rod repeatedly. "spare the rod spoil the child" On a side note
i want to punch a baby...come on whos with me!!??
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| less than 2 months.....i guess i better enjoy it while i can.
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| It's been a long time since my last update, but i thought i would get
on your because i cant sleep. Though that just could be my nature. I
havent had a goodnight sleep in the last 2 or 3 days, and i think that
is a ersult from a dream i had.
It was one of those dreams that you could feel everything. you know the
ones i am talking about, where you can smell the flowers, feel the rain
fall upon your skin, endure the pain of an injury. Well it started with
me being in a car and circling a parking lot of sorts, and then i was
walking. I was waslking by a couple of strangersone male and one
female. Jane Doe said something to John Doe and john freaked out and
pulled out a gun and shot her in the face. I gasped from seeing this
heinous act take place in front of me. John Doe turned around and shot
me in the neck. As i fell to the pavement I could feel the blood
seaping down my chest and gushing from my neck. I remember placing my
hand on my wound to try to stop the bleeding as i was blacking out into
what i am sure of is death.
I have been thinking about that dream for the past few days and i think
it ment was for me not to watch life for it could all be over in a
split second, but to do something, i might have been able to save jane
or myself if i tried. Now the question is what do i want to do. I know
i can do just about anything if i apply myself.
Another thing i have noticed about myself is that i am a very self
centered person looking for attention at all the same time. :( i dont
want to be like that. I also think it will take a shocking experience
for me to have that drastic change in character. I also dont feel i am
true to myself anymore; for that matter there are probably a few people
that i dont feel true to.
I am at a point in my life where i dont want to do some of the things i
do anymore. i want to get out and have a career of sort. Hell i hate
the military, no offense to anyone thats there i dont think that is for
me, but i have thought about the airforce. :(
I am confused again somewhat and dont know what to do...i jsut want to
say i hate you life...you are indeed a cruel cruel bitch! why do u make
me do the things i do you cold blood she-witch!
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| hello xanga land. its been a while. so much has happened since october.
i am tired of being a hermit. For all of those who knew my situation a
few months ago, i am here to say i will no longer be homeless next
weekend. to everyone thanks for your help, understanding, and support.
but i have decided i need sleeping pills just to make sure i go
to sleep. Tanna I'm sorry all you have to do is call and ask to borrow
the movie....if i can find it :P. To all those i may have seen to have
blown off or igored im sorry. my nerd addiction has kicked in....again.
I keep hearing songs on my computer from the irresponible aaron days. i
hear them i can hear the drunken sing along, smell the alcohol in the
air and all the fu i would be having....what happened to that type of
fun. I feel like i cant let loose anymore. And that makes me sad. I
want to be able to have fun. all work and no play = BAD!!! >.<
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